After the pain, there will always be a smile. :): Friday, 21 June 2013
Someday, we'll forget the hurt, the reason we cried, and who caused us pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of out life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe, and love all over again.
As long as you have faith, and never give up with patience, I know, everything is going to be better. :)
Tommy.
As long as you have faith, and never give up with patience, I know, everything is going to be better. :)
Tommy.
To Forgetting, Forgiveness, Faith and Forever.: Thursday, 30 May 2013
Dear
Josh,
I
have received you letter and I read through every single word, the way you
script it reminds me of the man that I have once loved but have moved on. When
you left me without any notice three years ago I felt as if you had stab me a
million times and left me here to die but as time goes by I have learnt that
our love is like a rubber band, the more you stretch it the more you will
strain it. When you left me for another person I have considered many option on
how to kill you, maybe I could put a hex on you or track you down and murder
you in cold blood. But as life happens this just seemed so childish and
horrible. I know deep down that I will never stop loving you but we both know
that I have always love you more than you will ever loved me. Truth be told I
am tired of waiting behind you hoping that you will one day come crawling back
asking for my forgiveness. That seems like a plausible situation now compared
to three years ago. I have been living like a candle in the wind, at any moment
I can break down and cry like a 2 year old or get mad like a mental patient in
the bell jar. After a two years of
living like that I knew that I had to move on or lose the ones that truly love
and care about me. Everyday I would go to church and pray for strength to keep
me moving on and faith in God to heal my broken heart. I found out that God
really is closer to the broken hearted and I have to thank you for that. After
long hours of self-reflection and hard-core thinking I believe that loving you
is like waiting for hopeful rain in a disappointing drought. Trust me when I
say that you don’t miss and still love me, you have always liked the idea of me
always being there to pick up after you. I have move on and you have to do so.
I told myself to stop trying to forget what you have done to hurt me so deeply,
instead I will keep you in my heart at the deepest corner, you are a constant
reminder to never shall I ever make the same mistake. So now every time when I
raise the wine glass to give a toast to the me now, I would say “ To
forgetting, to forgiveness, to faith and forever.” To forgetting the pain I
have gone through, to forgiving you, to faith that have healed my wounded soul
and to everlasting love.
Sincerely,
Anne.
*
Names are changed
Written
by,
Hayley
<3
Black/White/Gray Area.: Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Everything's about...
Tommy.
Yes, or No,
Bad, or Good,
Right or Wrong,
Happy or Sad,
Clean or Dirty,
And so on.
If the world were so simple, so absolute, and there's no in-between between these extremes,
I guess lives would be utterly easier for us to deal with, no complicated dramas, no bothering mixed feelings, no confusion.
Sometimes how confused we could be, while facing two absolute options.
Sometimes how hard it would be for us, to choose whether to let go or fight on.
Sometimes we tend to agree with certain parts of multiple opinions. On the other hand there are times we would rather not agree with either side of the opinions at all. At times like these we would like to be neutral, have a grey opinion, being in the grey area.
Somehow,
Grey area seems to be a safe haven to go,
hindering us from the truth,
from knowing some part of the extremes we don't want to know,
Somehow,
it brings a certain extent of avoidance.
Somehow,
Truth is so unknown that we tend to be stuck in the middle of two extremes,
and here comes the grey area,
protecting us from the potentially hurtful or exhilarating truth.
It's too risky to side with one side. Just because we are scared, just because we are insecure, just because we are not ready, just because there is nothing, nothing in this world we can rest assured ourselves with.
The inner fight in ourselves, the feeling of wanting and un-wanting that occurs simultaneously, the painful, tedious hesitation, the fear of taking one step wrong, the breathless feeling you feel again and again when it comes to decision making. These tear you apart, in grey area. 2 extremes are like forces, they don't tear you completely apart, they are just keep pulling you, slowly torturing with the pain of having heavy attachments, until you make one choice, that either completes your life, or tear it down.
Well, when it's time, it's time.
Get out of the grey, be either black or white. choose one side, and be free. :)
Tommy.
The Fish Head Story : Tuesday, 21 May 2013
The
Fish Head Story.
If
you are born in a Chinese family you will probably know what I am talking about
when I say my parents makes me eat fish almost everyday to boost my EQ.
Whenever dinner times comes, fish seems to be one of the staple food or a must
have on the dinner table. Whether it is steam, fried or grilled it will
definitely be the first thing everyone “attacks”. The thing that I have noticed
is that whenever I have dinner with my grandparents, my grandfather will always
remove the head of the fish head and leave the rest of the fish for us to
literally devour. I always thought it was because of the unique distinctive
taste that my grandfather have, hence he only eats the fish head. Then again
even the smallest piece of meat that he can find on the fish head, he will
either give it to my sister or me. That really rendered me quizzical, all
that’s left on the fish head, is the eyeball and the bones. I got so curious
one night, I asked my grandpa to let me try the fish head after all the meat
have been removed. Without asking me any question he gave it to me. IT TASTE
AWFUL! The fishiness was unbearable and don’t even get me started on the
eyeballs. I turned to my grandpa and asked him “Why do you even eat this? It
taste awful.” My grandpa smiled and told me the reason why. When my mom was
younger, my grandpa was placed in Indonesia to work. He had to send four of his
children to further their studies overseas, that’s why he rarely comes back to
Malaysia. Every time he comes back my grandma will cook a feast to celebrate
his rare return and that is the only time my mom and her siblings gets to eat
fish as they were quite poor to begin with. Seeing how much his kids liked to
eat fish, he would pretend that he only likes to eat the fish head with no
meat. That way they will all get a portion of the fish meat. As times goes by
my grandpa got so used to eating the fish head, he didn’t bother changing this
habit. Truth be told he does not like the meatless fish head but it is his sign
to show love to his children and grandchildren.
Parents
are like this umbrella that shields us from the sweltering heat that life
throws at us, the storm of our down times and the wind that caused our weakest
moment in life. I am not going to be ironic and lie that I never talk back to
my parents. In fact, I do it all the time. I slam the door, I raise my voice, I
get crabby when they refuse to let me go out with my friends and I even scold
them behind their back. That is no secret to every teenagers out there, I am
sure you are well aware of your own ill manners as I am. Sometimes a furry
temper comes like a gust of sharp wind, you never know when it is coming. One
thing you know is that your parents will always forgive you and soon enough
they will move on, but one way or another you left a scar deep in their heart.
Parents are like guardian angel, you can’t see what they did for you but deep
down you know they slog, work, worry and love you because whatever happen you
are their child.
Sometimes
you will ask God, why can’t I have a different parent, one that let’s me hang
out with my friends, one that let me buy that expensive gadget that I want, one
that won’t nag at me and one that won’t scold the heck out of me. But think
again, your parents could be asking God, why didn’t He gave them a child that
listen, a child that wants to spend time with them, a child that will study
hard and won’t talk back, but they didn’t… They hang on to the fact that you
are the most precious gift that God have given them. People come and go in your
life but family stays on. Life does not come with a manual it comes with a
mother, life does not come with a hero it comes with a father. They have been
your listener, your refuge, your personal cook, your chauffer, your teacher,
your guide and most of all they are your parent through rain and shine.
Whenever
you feel like complaining or slamming that poor door that did nothing wrong,
PLEASE REMEMBER… there are more than 2 million orphan children out there
begging for food, money or even a simple shelter to stay for the night. It is
not lame to show love to your parents, cause if it is lame to show love, my
parent would have been the lamest people on earth. When you say a prayer at
night, instead of asking for a new Ferrari, do pray for your parent’s safety,
health, happiness and may God bless them. When you are a parent one day, you
will know the wonders and the down under of being a parent. Cherish your parent
as you will only get one in your whole lifetime, don’t wait till they are gone
to have regret and beat yourself up for not carrying out the duty as a filial
child.
Love,
HAYLEY.
<3
Waiting.... : Saturday, 18 May 2013
WAITING….
This
word waiting may bring a good term or a bad one, well, depending on the
situation. It does take one to have a substantial amount of patience to wait.
You can wait for someone, something, life and even death. The magic of waiting
is you will never know what the future hold, truth be told it may be a frustrating
nuisance or it may be just another surprise waiting for you!
As
I sat down having a movie night with my parents, my mom suddenly brought up the
“waiting” as a topic of conversation. She told me that once she was having a
friendly conversation with her friend whom was once married to a law lecturer.
Her ex husband is a distinguished gentleman and a very intellectual lecturer.
On the outside they seemed happy and all was well. But out of the blue moon
they got a divorce. My mother asked her why did she initiate the divorce. Her
answer was rather simple, “I am tired of waiting for him. I waited for him to
choose which college he wanted when we finish high school, I waited for him to choose
law as an career, I waited for him to choose which university he wanted to
further his studies, I waited for him to propose to me, I waited for him to
choose which company he wanted to join, I waited for him to tell me I love you
after a 40 years of marriage. Truth be told, I am tired of waiting, his
indecisiveness and procrastination left me hanging for so many times. I finally
give up and give in. Living with him is like waiting for rain in a drought, the
hope just fades with time.”
That
got me thinking, waiting takes a lot of patience and even a patient man will
run out of patience. I am not saying that you can’t wait or shouldn’t wait, but
you have to make sure it is the right thing to do. Letting someone you love to
wait for you throughout a lifetime is not permissible to the virtue of life.
When love comes knocking on your door, you don’t put a sign there that says “
DO NOT DISTURD” or “Lunch! Back at 2pm!”. You may think it is only right for a
person whom loves you to wait but think again, if he or she is doing all the
waiting, who is waiting for them. The feeling of being waited by someone may be
comforting but not when you are the one waiting. Stop letting the ones that
love you wait, take a chance and seize the day. Even if you fall, you will fall
knowing that you have opened that door and you tried. Don’t be afraid just take
the leap of faith and stop letting others wait, because before you know it they
will throw their hands in the air and say “I give up… cause I am too tired of
waiting for you.”
Hayley.
The Marital Vow: Unspoken 5th stage of Marriage.: Thursday, 16 May 2013
A tribute to my grandparents 50th anniversary! Excuse the many grammatical error... :)
The
Marital Vow.
Marriage
is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses
that
establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, between the spouses and
their children, and between the spouses and their in-laws. In my opinion it is
the bond between two human with trust that they are meant for each other, love
for each others great values as well as flaws and faith that no matter what
happen they will always have each other to lean back on.
But marriage has it ups and downs, pros and
cons. Nothing is perfect in this world, not even the sacred marriage. Marriage
revolves with times and in this modern era, marriage is split into four stages:
Stage 1: The Newly wed
The newly wed also known as the honeymoon
stage, couples are living in the world of marriage perfection, they take on new
roles as husband and wife to one another. Sure the role seems to fit in
perfectly like a new pair own sneakers or high heels. The idea of marriage is
breakfast in bed and waking up to a person you love every day. Holding hands window-shopping
wearing matching couple tees is just a sweet deal in that marriage.
Stage 2: I am a PARENT
Unless you have not got the latest news feed,
the world needs more children. Many couples may choose not to have kids as the
fear of child bearing outweighs the idea of extinction of the human race. But
if you do have kids sleep probably won’t come easy. As your wife hits you at 3
am to check on your crying infant the official “tug-a-war” starts. Both of you
will probably want to tear your hair out every morning when you wake up with
panda eyes. But the idea that every child is a gift from God might just provide
a certain amount of comfort to your weary self. As kids start to grow they have
their fun moments and they have their “patience killer” moments. They cry, they
laugh, the spit out their vegetables, the stuff their mouth with Oreo, they
draw you a happy birthday card signed with a big loopy A that makes you awe in
sweetness and you find out that they used the same crayon to deface the newly
painted wall.
Stage 3: “KIDS KIDS KIDS”
Soon enough your kids will be your center,
worrying about their education, if they get into the top tier schools, if they
are eating right, sleeping right or who they are associating with. You get so
immerse in the role as parents your other half sometimes slip your mind. You
smile over your kids, you have bickering moment and fights over matter
concerning your kids and things just seem to fall in place with your kids as
the center of attention. In other words, you live and every breath you take is
because of your kids. The need to protect them is overwhelming.
Stage 4: Commitment Outweighs Love.
This is where you get so comfortable with your
spouse. You tend to start taking them for granted, as they are there whether it
is rain or shine, summer or winter. You somehow know their toilet routine, bad
habits and even tell tale better than what they are aware about themselves. The
first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you
sleep is your husband or wife. You start to find yourself spending more
shopping with your friends or golfing with your buddy. The need to spend every
waking moment with your spouse is no a need but more of a commitment. Some may
say that the “spark” is no longer there. Commitment starts knocking on your
marriage’s door and love starts to pack up and leave. This is the stage where
divorce and arguments steps in, while cuddling on the cozy couch and saying the
three magical words seem too mushy and stupid. You slowly grow apart and the
distance between both of you on the bed seems to grow further apart…. That is
when you know that commitment seems to have outweighs love…
These four stages may portray my idea towards
marriage as a pessimistic view and it is true. I use to only see marriage as an
archaic social convention to make sure you don’t die lonely with nine cats.
Marriage seemed like a ball of chain tying a person to eternal freedom and to
achieve their goals in life. But after leaving for college for 5 months I came
back home for a short break. While seating down at the dinner table, my usually
aloof grandfather whom is a very traditional Chinese man that never shows much
affection to my demure grandmother in front of us, actually said to my grandma
“You are so cute as an old lady and I love you” in Chinese. In my mind my
grandpa is a strong macho man that still climbs the tree at the age of 77 and
never have I heard him said “I love you” to my grandma. On that day I realize
that marriage had an unspoken stage unique to it’s own quality.
Stage 5: The Marital Vow
This stage is where believing in the idea that
you are never too old to start believing in fairy tales again. Saying I love
you to a person that have walk hand in hand with you through out the best and
hardest time in your life is not a have to but a must. Your heart starts to
skip a beat as your other half smiles and laugh at small things. You start to
look back at all the embarrassing photo of your successful kids and laugh till
you get stomach cramp. You will probably realize that the spark was not gone,
it just needed another spark to set you heart on fire. The relief that rushed
over you thanking God that you never gave up on this marriage seemed like a
blessing in disguise. Everything that you went through with you other half
makes you treasure each other more than ever. There is broken marriage in this
world but broken does not mean hopeless, it means that it needs mending.
Marriage is like a taking a leap of faith, you will never know the outcome but all
you need is to trust, commit and love each other with your whole heart.
Stop looking for the perfect one, start looking
for the right one. The right one may not be what your ideal checklist have
prepared but if you let the right one go, there is no guarantee that there will
be another one. E.E. Cummings once quoted “Trust your heart and the stars will
walk backwards. Live by love and the stars will walk backwards”. When you say
the marital vow be sure to keep it with absolute faith, trust, responsibility,
commitment and most importantly LOVE… <3
Love,
Hayley. :)
Love,
Hayley. :)
Unseen Distance - Because you were here. :
Being back in the classroom we used to be in,
Standing on those scratched tiles we used to walk on,
With those wooden tables we used to doodle and vandalize on,
Experiencing the infiltrating ray of sun striking on the skin complexion through those stained windows,
and the indescribable smell in the room...
Sensed the presence of ours with my heart,
I spread out my arms, attempted to reach you, to grab any part of you.
No matter how hard I've been trying, you are out of reach, you are past tense.
No matter how hard I've been trying, you are out of reach, you are past tense.
Because you were here.
 |
| We all hit a time when we've lost hope and need someone to put their arms around us and say, "I've got you right now. I won't let you face this alone." |
I long, miss, want and mostly NEED you.
For the giggling we made in trance,
For our laughter which annoyed even ourselves.
For the ignoring when we were angry at each other.
For the comforting patting and hugs we gave each other,
For the miraculous moment when we won competitions together, the tears of joy and sadness borne together.
For the papers we'd been passing back and forth.
For the love we had/have for one another.
So irreplaceable,
Yet gone.
So unforgettable,
But I seem to have been obliterated, blotted out from the bittersweet memories we both cherish or used to cherish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is how the story goes.
You meet someone.
You two get close.
It's all great for awhile.
Then someone stops trying.
Talk less. Awkward conversations.
The drifting. THE DISTANCE.
No communication whatsoever.
Memories start to fade, even worse, they stay and haunt.
Then that person you know,
Becomes that person you knew.
So close yet so far, the distance, definitively explained, the amount of space between us, sometimes isn't much. Yet, the most painful distance.
The most painful distance in the world,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember to always say what you mean. Tell people around you that you love them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time, you might experience the worst heartbreak, which is realizing you love someone but it's too late that they are bygones. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to and appreciate your true friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
Dedicated to my beloved friends and family. :)
Regards,
Tom.
For the giggling we made in trance,
For our laughter which annoyed even ourselves.
For the ignoring when we were angry at each other.
For the comforting patting and hugs we gave each other,
For the miraculous moment when we won competitions together, the tears of joy and sadness borne together.
For the papers we'd been passing back and forth.
For the love we had/have for one another.
So irreplaceable,
Yet gone.
So unforgettable,
But I seem to have been obliterated, blotted out from the bittersweet memories we both cherish or used to cherish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is how the story goes.
You meet someone.
You two get close.
It's all great for awhile.
Then someone stops trying.
Talk less. Awkward conversations.
The drifting. THE DISTANCE.
No communication whatsoever.
Memories start to fade, even worse, they stay and haunt.
Then that person you know,
Becomes that person you knew.
So close yet so far, the distance, definitively explained, the amount of space between us, sometimes isn't much. Yet, the most painful distance.
The most painful distance in the world,
is not between the living and the dead,
but it is when you can’t see that I love you,
even though I stand right in front of you.
but it is when you can’t see that I love you,
even though I stand right in front of you.
The most painful distance in the world,
is not when you can’t see that I love you
it is when two hearts love but can not be as one.
is not when you can’t see that I love you
it is when two hearts love but can not be as one.
The most painful distance in the world,
is not when two hearts love, but can not be as one
but when the indifference must be feigned, to a distance,
which in truth, binds the two souls together.
is not when two hearts love, but can not be as one
but when the indifference must be feigned, to a distance,
which in truth, binds the two souls together.
When it's all too late.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember to always say what you mean. Tell people around you that you love them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time, you might experience the worst heartbreak, which is realizing you love someone but it's too late that they are bygones. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to and appreciate your true friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
Dedicated to my beloved friends and family. :)
Regards,
Tom.
